Painful heart

This is for you who thinks you’re not worth it — but you are. Here’s to all of your blank nights, blank days and blank souls. Cheers! Let’s drink to all your sadness. All your lonely days, and your lonely nights. Let’s drink to all your misery; let’s drink to all our misery — all at once, all at the same time. Every time you think you’re alone, you’re not. I’m here with you, we’re here with you. Embrace the sadness, embrace the dark. There’s no light, there’s no happy ending. It’s just you and me; it’s just you and the rest of the world. Everybody is sad, there’s always something missing. Happiness is just around the corner, but you keep reminding me of what sadness feels like.

Skydiving

I feel my heart bursting; it’s beautiful, intense and painful at the same time. Past, present and future — together, apart, all mixed up. Where have I seen these promises and dreams before? I know where my fears hide; I know every disguise, every dark corner of my broken mind. I’m scared, I’m thrilled and I’m everything in between; it’s all or nothing — a deep, silent ocean and the wind caressing the trees, or a beautiful and loud thunderstorm ripping the skies apart. Amidst all the chaos, I found a way back to myself: a path I’ve never thought I’d be able to choose, but I did. And it’s so beautiful, so perfectly right and good for me that it makes me shiver, it makes me wanna lose control. It makes me wanna jump and take a leap of faith — but what if I fall straight to the ground again? See, it’s too late, because I’m already falling. I’m in the air, my arms are wide open and so is my heart. I’m skydiving. I’m skydiving with you.

That’s for you, you and you

One, two, three different versions of me. They were all beautiful and they are all gone, done. The dead among the living, the dreams turned into shadows.

You.

I miss being myself around you. I miss the jokes, the laughs. I miss the free version of me. I miss not having to control myself, and I miss listening to your words like music. One. You broke my heart.

You.

I miss the butterflies in my stomach, I miss how you made me feel alive. In the Valley of Broken Minds you were my favourite creature, the only one who could show me light. “I wish you were here.” Two. There’s only darkness again.

You.

I miss the hope, the possibilities. A new beginning that was dead from the start. Truth is, I never even wanted to want; I just wanted to be wanted. Three. I am alone and that’s just fine.

One, two, three versions of me walking around.

One, two, three versions of me dying a little as the days go by.