What’s the point of all this craziness?

Last time I saw my therapist, she asked me very interesting questions, such as: “what’s the point of loosing all this weight?”, “what’s your reward for weighting so little?”, “does it make you feel better about yourself?” etc. The more I think about it, the less I can find a reason to all this suffering. No, it doesn’t make me feel better about myself because, no matter how much weight I lose, it’s never, ever enough. Having an eating disorder is like being best friends with the devil — and he never shuts up. Ever.

The lowest I got was 42.8kg (94.3 pounds), and I look at myself in the mirror and saw a big, obese person — regardless of the numbers or my clothes barely fitting me anymore. Having a mental illness is the most exhausting thing in the world, because you always have a war in your mind.

So why be like this? Why be like me? I know we can’t choose not to think about certain things, but we do have the power to shut up some thoughts, before it’s too late. I’ve been photographing so many beautiful girls after I started my project “La Peau Sauvage” and I wish they all knew how amazing they look. Hopefully, I’ll help them see how stunning they are, regardless of their weight and body type. I’ll make this my life mission, if necessary. I know how much I suffer every day, and I don’t want anyone else to feel this way.

Back to my therapist’s question: what’s the goal, what’s the reward? I don’t know anymore, because I’m lost — I can’t find my way back. But YOU can! And I’m here to help all of you. You can send me messages here, we can chat in private by email and, if you live in Montreal, we can definitely schedule a photoshoot.

Here’s where you can find me:

Don’t feel shy to reach out. Our conversations will be completely private.

Lots of love to all of you!

La peau sauvage: the idea behind the project

Women are always under a lot of pressure. We’re expected to be great wives, amazing mothers, great cooks. We are supposed to know how to iron clothes, to smile and be polite to strangers (especially if these strangers are your husband’s friends) and to dress accordingly. And, obviously, this is a huge bullshit. But what I hate the most is how we feel like we need to lose weight (or keep our weight) all the time. That’s what got me sick years ago with my eating disorder — and that’s what keeps making women feel less attractive day after day. I mean, have you ever stopped to pay attention to the most famous models around the world? They probably weight as much as one of my legs — if not less.

So I’ve decided to start the “la peau sauvage” project; which is an ongoing photography project where I’ll photograph women of all ages and body types — regardless of their weight and height. My goal is to make every woman feel beautiful; is to give every woman a chance to have a nice photoshoot, to feel sexy and attractive. That’s exactly what “la peau sauvage” is: beauty in its essence.

Here’s the link to Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/peau_sauvage

And to Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/peausauvage

The good food army

“Don’t do this!”

“Don’t do that!”

“You’ll get fat if you eat this!”

If that’s how your brain talks to you, then it’s time to tell it to shut up; unless you enjoy being a captive of your own mind. Of course it’s not easy, I’d be a hypocrite if I said it was. But how much are we willing to sacrifice in order to achieve what seems to be unachievable and why are we trying to lose so much weight? When I say “we” I’m also referring to myself. Not so long ago I saw food as my enemy and I did everything I could to avoid it. Unfortunately, I know I’m not the only one. So how do we do to change the way we think? Most importantly, how can we start seeing something we once believed to be horrible as something good? It’s all about choices. It’s true that a lot of foods are our enemies, but not all of them.

That’s where the magic happens: when you start seeing the difference between the good food army and the enemy foods. Sounds childish, but it’s true. Think of your body as something you need to protect; something that is really strong but also an easy target to enemy attack. If you keep it empty, starved, then there will be no one there to fight for you. You will fade slowly into nothing. But if you choose to fill your body with good foods, you will change everything. You will boost your metabolism, feel healthier and have the energy to workout and live a better life. Your skin, hair and nails will get stronger and silkier; you will feel prettier, too.

Many people have Eating Disorders because they don’t know how to choose their foods and get too anxious when they start gaining weight. Then, the endless cycle begins: eat – throw up – eat again – throw up – eat less – still throw up – get disgusted by food – stop eating. Why? Because they start the cycle by choosing enemy foods. Sugar, simple carbs, bad fat. Ice cream, white bread, yellow cheese. Fast food, fried food, pizza, cake and frosting, white chocolate, candy. They might look great, smell awesome, but they’re all your enemies.

Nature is the most beautiful and incredible thing we’ll ever know. It’s so perfect, so amazing, that it gives us all the good food army. It grows from the ground, from the trees; it grows with light, with life. You don’t need a microwave to prepare your good food, I don’t even have one. You allies have the most beautiful colours: they’re red as a nice beet, yellow as a crunchy yellow pepper, orange as a tasty peach. They come as leaves, grains, vegetables and fruits. They come as nuts, too. The more you find out about them and the benefits they’ll bring to your life, the more you’ll want to have them around you. As soon as you learn that having a mashed banana with cinnamon will help your sugar cravings go away (and even help with PMS), you will see how wonderful it is to live without chocolate bars. Actually, nature is so good to us, that she allowed Cacao into the good food army. Having a square or two of dark chocolate is not only good, but it’s also important to our health. It also prevents wrinkles. (But, remember, it has to be 75% up.)

Try to visit more Farmer’s Markets, they always have the best good food army. But it’s also ok if you can’t; all you have to do is go to a Supermarket and know exactly who’s your enemy and who’s your ally. Friends don’t come in packages; avoid boxes — unless you’re buying Quinoa, Gluten Free Oats, etc. If it’s a frozen food, then it’s your enemy for sure. Look closely to everything you touch. It’s not even hard to see with your bare eyes how good or bad the food is. Give it a try! Choose an apple over a cookie. Apples are high in fiber and vitamin C; it’s also one of the healthiest foods you can eat. Besides, its natural flavour is sweet enough to handle an occasional sweet tooth. Cookies are full of flour, gluten, bad fats, artificial sugar and null calories. Always think before choosing the food you’ll allow into your body.

That’s it! Let’s change the way we think, let’s welcome the good food army and get rid of the enemy foods. Once we do that, we won’t feel the need to throw up anymore; we will feel proud of ourselves. We will want to eat nicely and never starve our bodies again. I wrote a nice article about foods to avoid, you can check it out here.

I hope this will help! 🙂

Sundays and ice cream

Some would say certain smells and sounds can make you think of a memory; I couldn’t agree more. Instead of sticking only to smell and hearing, I allow all my senses to remind me of something or someone. When I see sunflowers, for example, I think of my mom. I remember the first time I took her to the Botanical Gardens in Montreal. When I touch my old diaries, I remember the emotions I was feeling when I wrote it. When I eat my grandma’s rice, I remember my childhood. There’s one specific occasion where all my senses get together: sunny sundays. It makes me think of my favourite memory, which is family time. The sun, the sound of children laughing and the smell of picnic food. The way people like to play with their kids and hold their loved ones hands. Even with all this detailed picture, it wouldn’t be the perfect scenario without the ice cream. In fact, this is my favourite part; a large twisted ice cream cone. When I think about its taste, all the other senses lose priority. I don’t usually allow myself to eat ice cream, but when I wake up to a beautiful sunday, I gladly allow myself to do so. I get out of bed, as excited as a 5 year-old girl and go out to eat ice cream. I go back to when I was younger; I have the same feelings. I nostalgically remember how it felt to be a kid. The best aspect of my present sundays is the fact I’m building new memories on top of old ones. I guess sundays and ice cream will always mean family time to me.