Painful heart

This is for you who thinks you’re not worth it — but you are. Here’s to all of your blank nights, blank days and blank souls. Cheers! Let’s drink to all your sadness. All your lonely days, and your lonely nights. Let’s drink to all your misery; let’s drink to all our misery — all at once, all at the same time. Every time you think you’re alone, you’re not. I’m here with you, we’re here with you. Embrace the sadness, embrace the dark. There’s no light, there’s no happy ending. It’s just you and me; it’s just you and the rest of the world. Everybody is sad, there’s always something missing. Happiness is just around the corner, but you keep reminding me of what sadness feels like.

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New challenges

“Life is monotonous and every day seems to be the same? Buy our 10 Steps To Happiness Manual and learn how to pull through!” I don’t know what’s more depressive; depression itself or people who think this kind of bullshit works — as if a book could actually teach one how to be happy. Unfortunately, people will always believe what they want to believe. Maybe I’m just too skeptical. What I know is no one can teach you how to be happy — no one else but yourself. At least that’s what I’d like to believe. People around you can bring joy to your days but you’re the only person who should be responsible for your own happiness. What I mean by that is never, ever rely on anyone else to be happy. If this 10 steps crap was real, I’d guess the first step would be to like and accept the person you are. Try to see yourself for what you really are and analyze the kind of person you’ve become. “What if I don’t like it?”, you may ask yourself. Well, there’s a line from a show I really love that has the perfect answer for that question. “If you can’t forgive the person you’ve become, then you can try and change who you are.” That’s it. Something to think about, huh? I’ve spent the whole day thinking about that and I’ve decided to make some changes. (Positive ones, hopefully.) Challenges. Yes, challenges! Challenge yourself to do things you know you probably wouldn’t — whatever it may be. Things will never change if we don’t change our own actions.

Pressing buttons

Have you ever felt as if you were empty inside? No more agony, no more feelings. Nothing. Have you ever felt this way? Or as if there was someone screaming inside your head while you quietly sit still? Have you ever felt hopeless and out of control? What is it that make other people so happy? I’m drowning, I’m looking at you and suffocating. I’m being fed by words I never say, intrusive thoughts and fear — so much fear. My soul is restless, damaged. Maybe there is no turning back, no light in the end of the tunnel. What is the fucking point? Why is it so dark in here? Heavy breathing, dry mouth, eyes soaked with tears. Tears, fears, fears, tears. This is just insane. I am insane, I am a disease and I’m infectious. Delusional? No. Just reaching the end.

An honest cry out for help

This letter was written by my best friend — a person who has not had an easy life emotionally, not until now. His honest cry out for help could change many people’s lives. Unfortunately, I know he’s not alone.


“I’m not the kind of person who likes to share my personal life and thoughts on Facebook — I know most of the time it doesn’t make any difference. Today, I realized there’s something I really feel like sharing — something I’ve been keeping to myself ever since I was younger. I would really appreciate if people read it — that’s the whole point of posting something, I guess. 

Even though I have a family and friends who never let me down, I’ve been afraid for too long. I can only imagine how hard it must be when all your fears come true — when your friends leave you aside, when your parents don’t want you to live with them anymore, when someone dies or suffers some kind of violence for being gay. I also imagine how hard it must be to keep this secret in fear throughout your life. A fear that keeps you from doing almost everything — from taking chances and opportunities to be happy. People usually say, “You’re young, beautiful, wealthy and healthy. What else do you expect from life?”

In fact, “fear” might not be the right word to describe it. Maybe there’s no definition to what I feel every time someone says something absurd about my sexuality. (And about others, too.) I would never want to put a label on anyone, specially on myself. How wonderful would it be if we lived in a world without any type of prejudice? Unfortunately, we don’t. A lot of people suffer because of other people’s prejudice against homossexuality. Being gay doesn’t keep me from doing anything nowadays — but it had before. Not because I felt incapable of doing anything — nobody ever denied me a job position for being gay, for example. What kept me from doing things was the fear of people treating me differently because I’m gay. I don’t want to disrespect anyone’s opinion, but I truly believe every kind of love should be respected — both heterossexual and homossexual. 

What I really meant to say was that it’s time to make a change. Some people like to pretend they are self-aware of the Universe, that they are loving and caring towards other people (the poor, the sick and the hopeless) and animals. These are the same people who are completely blind when it comes to helping a person who is suffering prejudice right in front of their eyes. Many people suffer every day for not being accepted and respected for being who they truly are — specially by their families and close friends. It pains me to see how many people are completely abandoned by their families for being gay. Parents are no longer parents and they’re orphans all of a sudden. Some of them commit suicide, some suffer from depression or even make abusive use of drugs because of this ignorant behaviour. Why it’s so hard to love one another? People who decide to have children should love them, not judge them so harshly. 

People should think twice before making fun of homossexuality. Put yourself in their shoes. Can you imagine how hard it must be to see people making fun of who you are and who you love? Saying that Drag Queens should only go out at night or that two men (or women) cannot kiss in public is completely outrageous. How can some people say that an act of love can incite so much hate and violence? The next time you hear something like that, try to imagine how dreadful it would be if you couldn’t feel safe to go out with your wife or husband — not without fearing you could both be beaten just for being together, walking hand-in-hand. Or if you owned something you love and couldn’t wear it because of the fear of being robbed. Now try to imagine how infuriating it is not to be able to be yourself — all the time. Not being accepted at home, by your own parents. This outraging feeling is what thousands of people feel every day because they are too afraid of living their lives the way they want to. Countless people suffer in silence all the time, locked in their rooms and away from the world. Some people are incapable of developing healthy social relationships because of the fear of not being accepted. This is the main cause of both depression and suicidal thoughts. 

So before saying anything superficial and inaccurate about homossexuality, try to put yourself in their shoes. Understand how hard you can make someone else’s life by being so biased. For all the gay people around the world — you are not alone. This is a fight we will fight together. If you mistreat gays and lesbians, try to imagine how you would feel if someone treated you the same way.”


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Social media

We are all connected. Before the advent of the internet, this phrase would sound like something cosmic. Now, it’s an accurate statement.  We are all connected, indeed – on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, Pinterest, Twitter, Blogs, etc. We are everywhere. Nothing passes unnoticed. Social media has tremendous importance in our lives nowadays; such importance that we measure how people like us by the amount of “likes” we receive every time we post something new. Most importantly, we realize how much we like someone when all we care about is if this person liked what we posted (or not). The new “butterfly in the stomach” is checking the notifications. The new idea of rejection is the “seen” message with no answer. Our generation doesn’t expect love letters; it expects pokes, likes, comments and emoticons. If someone writes something without a smiley face in the end, it’s because they’re mad. Now tell me how your heart beats faster when he or she is online. That agony to see his or her picture with a green online status beside it. The voice in your head telling you to send a message, saying no matter what, and seconds later discouraging you to do so. That’s the new drama of our relationships, the new nature of our feelings. That’s how deep we are into social media.