“Life is monotonous and every day seems to be the same? Buy our 10 Steps To Happiness Manual and learn how to pull through!” I don’t know what’s more depressive; depression itself or people who think this kind of bullshit works — as if a book could actually teach one how to be happy. Unfortunately, people will always believe what they want to believe. Maybe I’m just too skeptical. What I know is no one can teach you how to be happy — no one else but yourself. At least that’s what I’d like to believe. People around you can bring joy to your days but you’re the only person who should be responsible for your own happiness. What I mean by that is never, ever rely on anyone else to be happy. If this 10 steps crap was real, I’d guess the first step would be to like and accept the person you are. Try to see yourself for what you really are and analyze the kind of person you’ve become. “What if I don’t like it?”, you may ask yourself. Well, there’s a line from a show I really love that has the perfect answer for that question. “If you can’t forgive the person you’ve become, then you can try and change who you are.” That’s it. Something to think about, huh? I’ve spent the whole day thinking about that and I’ve decided to make some changes. (Positive ones, hopefully.) Challenges. Yes, challenges! Challenge yourself to do things you know you probably wouldn’t — whatever it may be. Things will never change if we don’t change our own actions.
Have you ever felt as if you were empty inside? No more agony, no more feelings. Nothing. Have you ever felt this way? Or as if there was someone screaming inside your head while you quietly sit still? Have you ever felt hopeless and out of control? What is it that make other people so happy? I’m drowning, I’m looking at you and suffocating. I’m being fed by words I never say, intrusive thoughts and fear — so much fear. My soul is restless, damaged. Maybe there is no turning back, no light in the end of the tunnel. What is the fucking point? Why is it so dark in here? Heavy breathing, dry mouth, eyes soaked with tears. Tears, fears, fears, tears. This is just insane. I am insane, I am a disease and I’m infectious. Delusional? No. Just reaching the end.
We are all connected. Before the advent of the internet, this phrase would sound like something cosmic. Now, it’s an accurate statement. We are all connected, indeed – on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, Pinterest, Twitter, Blogs, etc. We are everywhere. Nothing passes unnoticed. Social media has tremendous importance in our lives nowadays; such importance that we measure how people like us by the amount of “likes” we receive every time we post something new. Most importantly, we realize how much we like someone when all we care about is if this person liked what we posted (or not). The new “butterfly in the stomach” is checking the notifications. The new idea of rejection is the “seen” message with no answer. Our generation doesn’t expect love letters; it expects pokes, likes, comments and emoticons. If someone writes something without a smiley face in the end, it’s because they’re mad. Now tell me how your heart beats faster when he or she is online. That agony to see his or her picture with a green online status beside it. The voice in your head telling you to send a message, saying no matter what, and seconds later discouraging you to do so. That’s the new drama of our relationships, the new nature of our feelings. That’s how deep we are into social media.