Skydiving

I feel my heart bursting; it’s beautiful, intense and painful at the same time. Past, present and future — together, apart, all mixed up. Where have I seen these promises and dreams before? I know where my fears hide; I know every disguise, every dark corner of my broken mind. I’m scared, I’m thrilled and I’m everything in between; it’s all or nothing — a deep, silent ocean and the wind caressing the trees, or a beautiful and loud thunderstorm ripping the skies apart. Amidst all the chaos, I found a way back to myself: a path I’ve never thought I’d be able to choose, but I did. And it’s so beautiful, so perfectly right and good for me that it makes me shiver, it makes me wanna lose control. It makes me wanna jump and take a leap of faith — but what if I fall straight to the ground again? See, it’s too late, because I’m already falling. I’m in the air, my arms are wide open and so is my heart. I’m skydiving. I’m skydiving with you.

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The good food army

“Don’t do this!”

“Don’t do that!”

“You’ll get fat if you eat this!”

If that’s how your brain talks to you, then it’s time to tell it to shut up; unless you enjoy being a captive of your own mind. Of course it’s not easy, I’d be a hypocrite if I said it was. But how much are we willing to sacrifice in order to achieve what seems to be unachievable and why are we trying to lose so much weight? When I say “we” I’m also referring to myself. Not so long ago I saw food as my enemy and I did everything I could to avoid it. Unfortunately, I know I’m not the only one. So how do we do to change the way we think? Most importantly, how can we start seeing something we once believed to be horrible as something good? It’s all about choices. It’s true that a lot of foods are our enemies, but not all of them.

That’s where the magic happens: when you start seeing the difference between the good food army and the enemy foods. Sounds childish, but it’s true. Think of your body as something you need to protect; something that is really strong but also an easy target to enemy attack. If you keep it empty, starved, then there will be no one there to fight for you. You will fade slowly into nothing. But if you choose to fill your body with good foods, you will change everything. You will boost your metabolism, feel healthier and have the energy to workout and live a better life. Your skin, hair and nails will get stronger and silkier; you will feel prettier, too.

Many people have Eating Disorders because they don’t know how to choose their foods and get too anxious when they start gaining weight. Then, the endless cycle begins: eat – throw up – eat again – throw up – eat less – still throw up – get disgusted by food – stop eating. Why? Because they start the cycle by choosing enemy foods. Sugar, simple carbs, bad fat. Ice cream, white bread, yellow cheese. Fast food, fried food, pizza, cake and frosting, white chocolate, candy. They might look great, smell awesome, but they’re all your enemies.

Nature is the most beautiful and incredible thing we’ll ever know. It’s so perfect, so amazing, that it gives us all the good food army. It grows from the ground, from the trees; it grows with light, with life. You don’t need a microwave to prepare your good food, I don’t even have one. You allies have the most beautiful colours: they’re red as a nice beet, yellow as a crunchy yellow pepper, orange as a tasty peach. They come as leaves, grains, vegetables and fruits. They come as nuts, too. The more you find out about them and the benefits they’ll bring to your life, the more you’ll want to have them around you. As soon as you learn that having a mashed banana with cinnamon will help your sugar cravings go away (and even help with PMS), you will see how wonderful it is to live without chocolate bars. Actually, nature is so good to us, that she allowed Cacao into the good food army. Having a square or two of dark chocolate is not only good, but it’s also important to our health. It also prevents wrinkles. (But, remember, it has to be 75% up.)

Try to visit more Farmer’s Markets, they always have the best good food army. But it’s also ok if you can’t; all you have to do is go to a Supermarket and know exactly who’s your enemy and who’s your ally. Friends don’t come in packages; avoid boxes — unless you’re buying Quinoa, Gluten Free Oats, etc. If it’s a frozen food, then it’s your enemy for sure. Look closely to everything you touch. It’s not even hard to see with your bare eyes how good or bad the food is. Give it a try! Choose an apple over a cookie. Apples are high in fiber and vitamin C; it’s also one of the healthiest foods you can eat. Besides, its natural flavour is sweet enough to handle an occasional sweet tooth. Cookies are full of flour, gluten, bad fats, artificial sugar and null calories. Always think before choosing the food you’ll allow into your body.

That’s it! Let’s change the way we think, let’s welcome the good food army and get rid of the enemy foods. Once we do that, we won’t feel the need to throw up anymore; we will feel proud of ourselves. We will want to eat nicely and never starve our bodies again. I wrote a nice article about foods to avoid, you can check it out here.

I hope this will help! 🙂

That’s for you, you and you

One, two, three different versions of me. They were all beautiful and they are all gone, done. The dead among the living, the dreams turned into shadows.

You.

I miss being myself around you. I miss the jokes, the laughs. I miss the free version of me. I miss not having to control myself, and I miss listening to your words like music. One. You broke my heart.

You.

I miss the butterflies in my stomach, I miss how you made me feel alive. In the Valley of Broken Minds you were my favourite creature, the only one who could show me light. “I wish you were here.” Two. There’s only darkness again.

You.

I miss the hope, the possibilities. A new beginning that was dead from the start. Truth is, I never even wanted to want; I just wanted to be wanted. Three. I am alone and that’s just fine.

One, two, three versions of me walking around.

One, two, three versions of me dying a little as the days go by.

Everybody wants to eat better

Not so long ago, Gymbirds posted an article I wrote for them about small changes to optimize your weight loss. Surprisingly, a lot of people liked not only my article but also my post on Facebook; which made me think about how many people actually want to lose weight and eat better, but are too overwhelmed by over information. The problem is, there are too many rules and people get lost. Then, what happens? Not everyone has the will to keep on track; most people let go of eating healthy because it’s either too complicated or too hard to know what to eat and when to eat it.

I’ve always had this need to help people eat better; and I don’t even have to think too hard to know why. You’ll need three things: 1) Learn to say “no” to foods that will bring you no good; 2) Learn how to pick the right foods; 3) Seek motivation to eat better — I know it’s easier said than done, like most things in life; but if you find the will to start being healthy, your body and your brain won’t even want to eat unhealthy foods anymore. (That part doesn’t apply to PMS — you will want it, but won’t eat it.) 

I’ve always read books and articles about eating healthy, super diets, all kinds of diets, etc. But no author has ever made a huge difference in my life like Jolene Hart did with her book “Eat Pretty.” I highly recommend all of you to buy it; and she’s not even aware of my existence, therefore, there is no one getting payed to say that. I recommend it because it has taught me things in a simple way; a way someone who is not a nutritionist will easily understand. And that’s what I want for all of you; I want you to challenge yourselves to eat better!

One of my favourite parts of Jolene Hart‘s “Eat Pretty” book is when she gives us a list of “Beauty Betrayers” foods, which are the ones we have to start avoiding in order to eat better. Here’s the list of foods you should start leaving behind from now on, according to Jolene Hart.

  • Alcohol
  • Caffeine (Green tea is still ok, though.)
  • Canned foods with BPA
  • Dairy (Foods made from cow’s milk.)
  • Fried foods
  • Gluten
  • Grilled and overcooked foods
  • Meats (Fish not included!)
  • Pesticide-sprayed produce (Buy only Organic foods!)
  • Processed foods
  • Soda
  • Sugar (Artificial sweeteners included!)

I’m not saying it will be easy; but I’m also telling you it’s not as hard as you think. The list of foods you can eat is waaaaaaay longer than this one, trust me. That’s why I recommend her book to everyone I know. You can buy it online: http://www.jolenehart.com/eatpretty 🙂 — Yes, I’m a super fan of hers!

Alongside eating better, you have to care about your digestion. Here’s two simple rules for you: 1) Chew at least 30 times; 2) Don’t eat fruits at least for two hours after your meal. I hope this can help you at least get started!

Blurred painting

Blank. My defences were low and my emotions were running free, willing to create the most beautiful thing one would ever see. I started with the colours, not the shapes. Black and white to keep the basics, a very pale pink to give it some life, and the most beautiful bright blue in the world to make it deeply soulful. Once I had chosen the colours, I needed to choose the right brushes; and that’s what I did — I carefully chose each and every one of them. I opened the window and looked at the clouds; they were ready to witness what I was about to start. It took me a while to finally have the courage to start filling the white canvas with the colours, I won’t lie. It was the blue — yes, that blue — that gave me the push I needed. The brush in one hand, a hot cup of coffee in the other; I was unstoppable. “Why not?”, I asked myself, while visualizing in my head what I desperately wanted to become true.

Black. The movement was soft, tender. I could feel my heart beating as I stroked the white canvas with my modified brush — I felt powerful. “It can’t be that hard”, I thought. With the black I created the shapes; I created the most remarkable assets for mundane eyes. It was irregular, unique; it was special. Black, black, black. I took a sip of coffee; it was getting warm — not too hot, not yet too cold –, it was the perfect temperature. Black and white were finally blended; my creation had started to make some progress.

Pink. Just a little, not too much. A pale pink to illustrate the blood; flushed. Emotions, words, confessions, and silence; they all had the same colour. Pink, pink, pink. I left the coffee aside. The stains on my dress won’t let me lie; It was already a piece of art.

Blue. At this point I was a beast; running freely in the woods. I was myself, I wasn’t hiding; I was completely carefree. Happiness lies through details of life; that’s why I finished my painting with the blue. It’s deep, it’s hard, — it’s you. Blue, blue, blue. I couldn’t find my coffee. I closed my eyes and let it flow; the deeper I went, the further you go. Time was something completely obsolete, a stranger in my life. My painting was perfect, flawless. For one brief moment I was an artist, nothing could have stopped me; I had created a work of art.

Blurred. My excitement lead me astray. Pink and black, white and blue; all the colours got mixed up — a storm had started. At first I could only feel the droplets; they were silently invading my house and touching my painting with hostility. Blurred, blurred, blurred. I should have closed the window. Looking around, I saw my cup of coffee; something was telling me I might have left it aside for too long.

Blank. The storm had destroyed my painting; I could feel my heart pounding — I have lost it all. I knew I wouldn’t be able to recreate such beauty, not even if I tried a thousand times. Blank, blank, blank. I had a dream and it had vanished; I knew how beautiful it could have been, and that’s what hurts the most. I close my eyes and I can still see the blue — your blue –, what a daunting feeling.

My hands are cold, and so is my coffee; the excitement has gone away.

New challenges

“Life is monotonous and every day seems to be the same? Buy our 10 Steps To Happiness Manual and learn how to pull through!” I don’t know what’s more depressive; depression itself or people who think this kind of bullshit works — as if a book could actually teach one how to be happy. Unfortunately, people will always believe what they want to believe. Maybe I’m just too skeptical. What I know is no one can teach you how to be happy — no one else but yourself. At least that’s what I’d like to believe. People around you can bring joy to your days but you’re the only person who should be responsible for your own happiness. What I mean by that is never, ever rely on anyone else to be happy. If this 10 steps crap was real, I’d guess the first step would be to like and accept the person you are. Try to see yourself for what you really are and analyze the kind of person you’ve become. “What if I don’t like it?”, you may ask yourself. Well, there’s a line from a show I really love that has the perfect answer for that question. “If you can’t forgive the person you’ve become, then you can try and change who you are.” That’s it. Something to think about, huh? I’ve spent the whole day thinking about that and I’ve decided to make some changes. (Positive ones, hopefully.) Challenges. Yes, challenges! Challenge yourself to do things you know you probably wouldn’t — whatever it may be. Things will never change if we don’t change our own actions.

Pressing buttons

Have you ever felt as if you were empty inside? No more agony, no more feelings. Nothing. Have you ever felt this way? Or as if there was someone screaming inside your head while you quietly sit still? Have you ever felt hopeless and out of control? What is it that make other people so happy? I’m drowning, I’m looking at you and suffocating. I’m being fed by words I never say, intrusive thoughts and fear — so much fear. My soul is restless, damaged. Maybe there is no turning back, no light in the end of the tunnel. What is the fucking point? Why is it so dark in here? Heavy breathing, dry mouth, eyes soaked with tears. Tears, fears, fears, tears. This is just insane. I am insane, I am a disease and I’m infectious. Delusional? No. Just reaching the end.