What’s the point of all this craziness?

Last time I saw my therapist, she asked me very interesting questions, such as: “what’s the point of loosing all this weight?”, “what’s your reward for weighting so little?”, “does it make you feel better about yourself?” etc. The more I think about it, the less I can find a reason to all this suffering. No, it doesn’t make me feel better about myself because, no matter how much weight I lose, it’s never, ever enough. Having an eating disorder is like being best friends with the devil — and he never shuts up. Ever.

The lowest I got was 42.8kg (94.3 pounds), and I look at myself in the mirror and saw a big, obese person — regardless of the numbers or my clothes barely fitting me anymore. Having a mental illness is the most exhausting thing in the world, because you always have a war in your mind.

So why be like this? Why be like me? I know we can’t choose not to think about certain things, but we do have the power to shut up some thoughts, before it’s too late. I’ve been photographing so many beautiful girls after I started my project “La Peau Sauvage” and I wish they all knew how amazing they look. Hopefully, I’ll help them see how stunning they are, regardless of their weight and body type. I’ll make this my life mission, if necessary. I know how much I suffer every day, and I don’t want anyone else to feel this way.

Back to my therapist’s question: what’s the goal, what’s the reward? I don’t know anymore, because I’m lost — I can’t find my way back. But YOU can! And I’m here to help all of you. You can send me messages here, we can chat in private by email and, if you live in Montreal, we can definitely schedule a photoshoot.

Here’s where you can find me:

Don’t feel shy to reach out. Our conversations will be completely private.

Lots of love to all of you!

A world full of “no, you don’t have what it takes to be a model”

I remember when I was a teenager, I liked a boy at school — I liked him a lot. We were always together, basically talking about the cute girls in school — he obviously didn’t consider me one of them (sometimes I wonder if he even saw me as a girl). The “cute girls” where the skinny ones, the ones who wore super short skirts and knew how to flirt. And then there was me: chubby, still playing with my toys and having no clue how to be sexy. Remember: I was 12 – 13 years old. Then, one day, it hit me like lightning: I needed to loose weight. Yes! That would make people notice me, right? Wrong. I mean, I was getting so skinny, so sick, that people were noticing me; but in the wrong way.

Time passed by and at some point I couldn’t give two shits about that boy who I used to like so much. He became nothing to me; but my disease stayed — forever.

When I got a little bit older, I started applying to model agencies; and they all said no to me. The excuse was always the same: “you’re very pretty, but we need smaller girls.” When you hear someone saying that, you feel like a huge mammoth; and your self-esteem hides in the deepest, darkest  corner of you soul.

So what did I do? I went fully anorexic. I’d feel guilty even for eating one banana a day. They got what they wanted: a smaller girl who looked great in their clothes. And there I was, working as a model, and basically dying.

I don’t want ANY of that to happen to you. Women are beautiful, sexy, charismatic, they have beautiful curves, and anyone who says otherwise is a stupid piece of shit.

That’s why I invite ALL of you to be my models! I’ll be more than happy to photograph such beauty: regardless of age, weight, height, type of hair, body type, etc.

Remember: you are ALL beautiful! You don’t need someone else telling you you can’t be a  model — because you CAN. You can fill your houses, instagrams, facebook profiles, etc with amazing pictures — and feel as pretty as those girls you see online.

I’m here to help you find your way back to beauty. 

It will be a pleasure working with you!

La peau sauvage: the idea behind the project

Women are always under a lot of pressure. We’re expected to be great wives, amazing mothers, great cooks. We are supposed to know how to iron clothes, to smile and be polite to strangers (especially if these strangers are your husband’s friends) and to dress accordingly. And, obviously, this is a huge bullshit. But what I hate the most is how we feel like we need to lose weight (or keep our weight) all the time. That’s what got me sick years ago with my eating disorder — and that’s what keeps making women feel less attractive day after day. I mean, have you ever stopped to pay attention to the most famous models around the world? They probably weight as much as one of my legs — if not less.

So I’ve decided to start the “la peau sauvage” project; which is an ongoing photography project where I’ll photograph women of all ages and body types — regardless of their weight and height. My goal is to make every woman feel beautiful; is to give every woman a chance to have a nice photoshoot, to feel sexy and attractive. That’s exactly what “la peau sauvage” is: beauty in its essence.

Here’s the link to Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/peau_sauvage

And to Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/peausauvage